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Four days. I’ve been fasting for 4 days now. I have little energy but enough to walk around town most of the day. I can keep going. I’m fine but starting to wonder what this is all about.

I try to remember why I’m doing the fast. I have this bad habit to eat food, not because I’m hungry but for pleasure, because I love it. What’s wrong about that you may ask? The thing is, I will eat until all the food I have around me is gone. Usually not a single nut survives. I just don’t understand why I don’t feel full and stop after a certain amount of food.

So after fasting for four days, I think I understood something. Maybe I just don’t pay enough attention to how I feel while I’m eating. So tonight I decided to eat again.

I started with an apple. Then a carrot. Then I took a bag containing mixed nuts and dried fruits. I started eating them slowly, but soon I realized that half of it was gone. So I got up to get another carrot, which I think is probably better than nuts. The thing is, the fridge where the carrots are is nearby the cupboard where the peanut butter is. So before I know it, I’m dipping a carrot in peanut butter. I try really hard to feel that sensation one should get when full, but it’s not coming.

How can I get rid of the hunger by eating when I’m not hungry in the first place? So really food is a pleasure, and eating an addiction that I can’t seem to be able to get rid of. We tried to stuff ourselves, then we fasted, but none worked. What’s next? Suggestions are welcomed!

Today was the Brick Rail Jam at Mount Washington. After about a week of sun and clear blue sky, today came the snow, so visibility was reduced and fingers very cold. At last though, the ho-so-awaited back flip arrived, with a perfect landing, just in time as I think that a few minutes more and my fingers would start freezing.